- You leave the house for the day, only to realize, after you are nearing your destination, that you only painted the fingernails on your right hand dark red; the left hand is still naked.
- You drink your morning cup of coffee from an insulated travel mug, because sometimes it really does take three hours to drink it, and you'd prefer it sort of warm.
- Things like grocery shopping and clothing shopping alone feel like a dreamy fairy tale.
- And speaking of clothing shopping: Why do most dressing rooms have a door that doesn't come all the way down to the floor? Architects are smart people, you'd think they would realize that the 18" gap is the perfect escape route for an active toddler. If the toddler does manage to escape, most times the mother coming out after him/her is more likely to be dressed skimpy-beach-appropriate and less likely to be street ready.
- Nap-time is the golden hour. In theory you might dream of that book that has been taking you weeks to finished and the final sips of coffee left in your travel mug, but in reality you will be whizzing around the house like a mad-woman, dusting, laundry, workout, shower... you get the picture.
- All of your momma friends proudly talk about how their children sleep from 7pm - 9am regularly, and how two hour naps twice a day is the norm. You smile and act happy for them, but secretly you want to punch them in the face because you are still a late night watering hole and naps are a thing of the past for your energetic toddler.
- The five second rule doesn't count. My child is eating dirt? Okay... it's sort of organic.
- Your toddler is under the impression that a tooth brush and a toilet brush can both serve the same purpose. Pearly white all around.
- You can't figure out why you literally keep getting your panties all in a bunch. Halfway through the day you realize that they are on backwards. Strange things happen when you get dressed in the dark, desperate not to wake your still sleeping child.
- You suffer from Shower Schizophrenia: The constant belief that you can hear your child crying while you're trying to take a shower.
- Everyone tells you that first time parents are way over protective, but what is really true is that grandparents, first time or seventh time, are worse.
- A grandma day means that you go back home and do some deep cleaning, finished the laundry, go for a super quick run, and rush through a leg-shaving session before going back to grandma's to reunite with your child, because even though days are crazy and often you dream about having 10 minutes of alone time, the truth is this: when you aren't with your toddler, you miss the craziness and the messes they create and the noise and the slobbery wet kisses.
Hi, I'm Sarah and I love being a frazzled mom.
I so relate to every one of these. My kids never slept, until my 4th baby (maybe you can look forward to that? 😆), showers are way overrated, grandma days end 20 times sooner than you thought they would and church might as well be the rack of torture because kids hate it and you feel irate that every one can worship so 'worshipfully' while you're wrestling the munchkins and feeling all ungodly and cranky. Some day I'll laugh, right now I plead for mercy. 😜
ReplyDeleteOh yes, church. How did I forget to add that to this list? 'It is your responsibility to train them to sit quietly at home and then church will be fine too...' one well-meaning individual told me. Um, yeah, about that. Ha!
DeleteThree more kids and then I'll be able to get a good nights sleep. Got it. :)
You look anything but frazzled...great list though...
ReplyDeleteThank you. But you know what they say, looks can be deceiving. :)
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