Hey Lonely Momma

Photo by Kate

I knew motherhood would completely change my life, but I don't really think that I realized just how much everything would change, how much my heart could love, how it would ache with love.

I anticipated the joy of watching a little one grow and discover the world, the joy, even more thrilling than I had imagined. What I wasn't expecting, though, was the loneliness. Motherhood in general, but especially new motherhood, can be entirely isolating.

My days that were once filled with co-workers and customers and conversation were now spent rocking and nursing a little one who didn't say a whole lot. And weekends that use to be sacred, saved for long distance runs and DIY dates with Herm, working on projects around the house, now looked just like the rest of the week, utterly mundane, one day blending into the next.

The loneliness I felt was mostly my own doing -- The effort that it took to go out shopping or for coffee with a friend felt almost overwhelming. Even more so now, to be honest, with an energetic toddler determined to explore the world alone. Conversations are constantly interrupted, and my focus is no longer on what the person is saying or feeling, but on what my child might be doing. -- I didn't put a whole lot into friendships because it felt so exhausting.

I have been thinking about this a lot lately, about the loneliness and the desire to seize life this year. Those two don't mix well, I need to create change. And the more I talk to other moms, the more I realize I'm not the only lonely one out there, so many other moms feel lonely and long for sisterhood too. I yearn for a community, a tribe of women, who get together to encourage and support each other. A tribe who, even after our kids are grown and on their own, and our lives start to fray in different directions, will still get together over coffee and pastries and share in the joys and sorrows of life.

Some days I think that it will get easier, the little ones will be able to clean their own noses and buckle seat belts and feed themselves, then I will have the energy to put more effort into friendship... I can hold out until then. But the truth is I can't hold out that long, I won't allow myself to. Right now, in the trenches of motherhood, is when I so desperately need friendship, the closer-than-hi-at-church-on-Sunday friends.

One day last week I set my to-do lists aside, baked some biscotti and made a fresh pot of coffee and invited a few other moms and maybe-someday-moms, who might also secretly be longing for a tribe in the trenches, over to drink coffee and eat biscotti around the warmth of the wood stove, kids running wild, while conversation and friendship happened. And it was so good.

Why don't I do this more? I will do this more. Seizing life means prioritizing relationships, initiating get-togethers, encouraging and supporting those around you. Twenty-fifteen is the year where I learn to seize life, but it won't just be for twenty-fifteen, no, this will be cultivated and grown year by year. This isn't a resolution, it's a lifestyle change.

If you are feeling lonely, I encourage you, do the same. Be the change you wish to see in your world.

Hey lonely Momma, there is a new kid in town, and if you ask, I bet his Momma is lonely too. Why not invite her over?