Hey Soul

I run to a beat.
Not to the tempo of a song, but to the constant, always there, yet always changing, sound of nature. To the wind whipping through my hair and the sun kissing my sweaty face, to the rain splattering down my back and the mud splashing at my feet, to the birds chirping in the distance and the deer watching silently, hidden among the trees.
Lately though, I've been running to the rhythm of my heart, to joy and the laughter, to the sorrow and the pain, to the anger and frustration -- so often anger and frustration.
I feel it welling in my soul, accumulating, slowly at first, then faster and faster.
Some days I'm drowning in it.
Follow your heart, they said, when you are unsure and filled with questions unanswered. 
But I argue, do you really want to follow your heart, with its ups and downs and unsteady beat?
Mine has been pulled a thousand different directions. If I used that as a guide, I would most certainly be lost.
Instead, when the doubts and fears and questions flood my soul, when all hope seems lost, I cling to what I know is true.
That He is good.
That He is merciful.
That He is loving.
That He is sovereign.
As I'm out training, running for Ev, my heart is so raw.
He should be coming to our 'carb loading night' the evening before the race as an honorary team member, just like last year. He should be at the finish line this year, cheering us on, just like last year. Instead, his memory is what will push us harder, faster, throughout the day. It's what will cheer us across the finish line.
Yes, my heart is raw and broken and so very unstable, so instead of following it, I cling to the Truth.
Today and every day my soul needs reminded - that He is good, that He is faithful, that He is loving, that He is sovereign over us.


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