Are you still finding time to write?
I've been asked this question multiple times in recent months. I guess if quick Instagram captions count, then yes, I am still writing. But I don't think they really count--not when I've hoped and dreamed that one day I'd be able to build a career by stringing words together. Not when I thought maybe blogging regularly would lead to a book contract or some freelance work.
...
I was mentally organizing my life, which is rather like sorting through a jumbled sock drawer--missing pairs, holes in the heels, material stretched past the breaking point, and the ones reached for again and again because they fit well. In all of that sorting, I was deciding what I really liked in life, the things that seem to fill my soul, and what I should maybe put an end to, even if only for a season. It was in that, that I began to cast vision for my blog again, working a plan in my head for content and structure, figuring out how I could prioritize it.
And while I was pregnant in the figurative sense, growing and nurturing new ideas for this blog that I loved so much, what I didn't yet know was that I was also physically pregnant, my body growing and stretching to nurture new life.
Perhaps needless to say, that physical pregnancy made me hit pause on any writing dreams. My third pregnancy was hard. It left my body aching and drained, my mind a complete lack of creative mush. And once the pregnancy was over, I discovered my third newborn was also hard. Colicky and often inconsolable, it took all that I had to keep him comfortable, to get him to sleep.
At some point during all of this, I was talking to a friend who also asked the question, are you still finding time to write? When I told her that those days where I use to regularly make time to write seemed like vague memory, she said something that stuck with me. She said perhaps what I was currently living out what I would later write. That this season, where it seemed like nothing was accomplished because I was being stretched thin by the demands of my family, the routine mundane that I felt I couldn't escape, was perhaps going to be the seed in which a career would grow, that maybe my call right now was to simply be faithful.
I've drawn myself back to her words again and again. Because my dreams are still there, but they seem impossible.
Simply be faithful.
We are beyond the tireless evenings of constant crying, thank you Jesus! And right before my eyes, my baby is becoming a toddler. But I still feel like I am in the weeds, trying to find a path as we delve into the unexpected world of homeschooling, figuring out what that will look like for our family. Consequently writing is still very much on hold.
Simply be faithful.
...
This summer I had the privilege to be part of another book launch for Ruth Chou Simons, the author my one of my favorites, Gracelaced. I've been working my way through her new book Beholding and Becoming: the art of everyday worship for the second time. Her words are filled with both truth and grace and she always points back to God's faithfulness in every situation. This week I was listening to a podcast interview and was struck by Ruth's story, which was very similar to what my friend said is perhaps happening in my life. Ruth kept reiterating be faithful, in the mundane, in the ordinary -- you become what you behold, so set your sights on worshiping Christ in the everyday, and that will impact the trajectory of your life. If you haven't already discovered her work, I highly, highly recommend you check out her new book. It is worth buying a copy all your own!
And if like me, you've got dreams that feel darn near impossible that times, perhaps you too need to simply plant a seed and faithfully tend the soil. To quote lines from both of those book I mentioned, You Don't Have to be Blooming to be Growing, and You Become What you Behold.
Don't lose hope.
Don't lose hope.
xo,
Sarah
This resonated so much with my heart and what Jesus has been teaching me this summer. You don't know me and I only recently found your blog but I have enjoyed reading your writings! I hope you keep writing as you are able. But I am a mom of two little girls and also a writer and so I know the struggle! I have felt like I am drowning and losing my creative voice so often this summer while caring for two children but I am learning, like you, even though it seems dreadfully mundane and boring some days, this is what my life is right now! I love the words of your friend- they are such a good reminder to me to be faithful in this season.
ReplyDeleteBe blessed!
A fellow mom Louella
I understand.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post. Yes, the experiences you are living now will find their way into your writing later. Also, have you consulted with your husband on how to prioritize writing to fit it into your schedule? He might have an idea of how to give you a break at a certain time so you can write or something you can cut out to make it possible. Just an idea that comes from how helpful Ivan has been to me in this. When I think other things should be priority, he often says, First take time to write. :) Teamwork really is the best.
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